A little cup of courage

I have been feeling out of sorts lately. I sometimes have issues with communicating and we all know how that ends up. The need creeps up on you. When it grabs hold you cant shake it. The issue is simply he isnt a mind reader. So it went like this... inside my head im thinking good god I need a good beating and sub space right now...but I said nothing then when we got to bed he says... you have been such a good girl and rewards me with lots of cumming while using the magic wand. Which is intense but alas the wrong kind for where my head is at. I again said nothing.


Then the next day I forgot to do something and he said I would be punished but the offence was minor and the punishment was no games for one day and a several good swats that only had me wanting more. At this point I am crawling out of my skin. Then I did what I always do I stuffed it down and I opted to have a big stiff drink to at least calm my head a little. Well that was a mistake. He smelt it on my breath and says so was it good. I said well it helped. Then he asked what possessed me. I said its better than fighting and crossed my arms and didnt utter another word. He scowled at me and I went oh great here comes the fight and the booze at this point is doing its job. Which makes me a little bolder than usual. A little cup of courage goes a long way.

I finally blurt it out. Hey what do I have to do to get my ass beat around here anyway. Why cant I have a little sub space that I need. I mean I dont want to be one of those needy manipulative bitches who has to do something that isnt even in my nature to get an ass beating that is my nature. I also made references to the fact  we have been watching lots of porn with lots of anal sex and that he kept acting and talking like that was something we were actually going to do and didn't. Did i mention I was drinking lol.

The issue is simply that its been so long where we had so much going on that getting into the mindset of a submissive is hard sometimes. Its like you have put that part of your life on hold for so long you wonder if you can ever get it back. I need it. Its a huge part of who I am and I feel so much more centered and complete when I get to be my true self. I have been trying hard to get my mind right but I need his input and his guidance.When he gives it to me. I feel loved and whole.

So as you can well imagine I got my ass beat but good. He has a steadfast rule if bondage is required he will make it worth it. So he tied me down and beat me with the new strap he bought and ouchies I wiggled and whimpered and when he stopped he said now that the warm up is over.... I got 50 with the leather strap and had to count each one. Then he got the ginger and inserted it and gave me another 50 again I had to count. At this point im regretting the alcohol and wondering what is wrong with me that I needed this so bad. Then he proceeded to fuck my ass it was so hot. I love when he makes me masterbate while he fucks me like that. Cumming only when I am told.

The sub space was phenomenal  I was floating on that happy little cloud for the whole next day. Then that evening he says so the shopping list you started it..........and I literally went oh fuck! I totally forgot. He says well if you want to be rebellious I can fix that. Back over I was again getting 50 with the cane on an already well beaten ass.


Lesson learned is dont expect him to read your mind. Don't be surprised when he rises to the challenge and always ask before I drink from now on.


P.S. dont be alarmed by the 2 posts in one day I wont be one of those 14 post a day bloggers lol