A little cup of courage

I have been feeling out of sorts lately. I sometimes have issues with communicating and we all know how that ends up. The need creeps up on you. When it grabs hold you cant shake it. The issue is simply he isnt a mind reader. So it went like this... inside my head im thinking good god I need a good beating and sub space right now...but I said nothing then when we got to bed he says... you have been such a good girl and rewards me with lots of cumming while using the magic wand. Which is intense but alas the wrong kind for where my head is at. I again said nothing.


Then the next day I forgot to do something and he said I would be punished but the offence was minor and the punishment was no games for one day and a several good swats that only had me wanting more. At this point I am crawling out of my skin. Then I did what I always do I stuffed it down and I opted to have a big stiff drink to at least calm my head a little. Well that was a mistake. He smelt it on my breath and says so was it good. I said well it helped. Then he asked what possessed me. I said its better than fighting and crossed my arms and didnt utter another word. He scowled at me and I went oh great here comes the fight and the booze at this point is doing its job. Which makes me a little bolder than usual. A little cup of courage goes a long way.

I finally blurt it out. Hey what do I have to do to get my ass beat around here anyway. Why cant I have a little sub space that I need. I mean I dont want to be one of those needy manipulative bitches who has to do something that isnt even in my nature to get an ass beating that is my nature. I also made references to the fact  we have been watching lots of porn with lots of anal sex and that he kept acting and talking like that was something we were actually going to do and didn't. Did i mention I was drinking lol.

The issue is simply that its been so long where we had so much going on that getting into the mindset of a submissive is hard sometimes. Its like you have put that part of your life on hold for so long you wonder if you can ever get it back. I need it. Its a huge part of who I am and I feel so much more centered and complete when I get to be my true self. I have been trying hard to get my mind right but I need his input and his guidance.When he gives it to me. I feel loved and whole.

So as you can well imagine I got my ass beat but good. He has a steadfast rule if bondage is required he will make it worth it. So he tied me down and beat me with the new strap he bought and ouchies I wiggled and whimpered and when he stopped he said now that the warm up is over.... I got 50 with the leather strap and had to count each one. Then he got the ginger and inserted it and gave me another 50 again I had to count. At this point im regretting the alcohol and wondering what is wrong with me that I needed this so bad. Then he proceeded to fuck my ass it was so hot. I love when he makes me masterbate while he fucks me like that. Cumming only when I am told.

The sub space was phenomenal  I was floating on that happy little cloud for the whole next day. Then that evening he says so the shopping list you started it..........and I literally went oh fuck! I totally forgot. He says well if you want to be rebellious I can fix that. Back over I was again getting 50 with the cane on an already well beaten ass.


Lesson learned is dont expect him to read your mind. Don't be surprised when he rises to the challenge and always ask before I drink from now on.


P.S. dont be alarmed by the 2 posts in one day I wont be one of those 14 post a day bloggers lol

The verdict on new toys...

I started talking about our adventure in toy buying. Then I disappeared. Well I wish it was because all those toys kept us so busy I couldn't find the time to write.

 I felt great  about my selections even if I felt I spent to much only to find out Daddy out did himself and spent twice as much lol. I got that magic wand with an attachment (for him). I got some cool vibrating toy also for him. He seemed to like them both. I loved the wand though dang it can get intense.

He bought stuff to round out our electro set which we haven't even gotten to yet. He then grins and says seeing as I took care of the pleasure part when with the magic wand he opted to get me something that provided a little sting. Its a rubber strap it looks flimsy but wow packs a wallop.


Daddy had a great birthday and seemed pleased.

Where do I want to go?

I have been reading a few blogs and wow I am thrilled to see I am not alone. I can see that the internal struggle is not just mine.

So I threw a pity party you were all invited. Then I realized I don't want my blog to be a whiny diatribe.

Work was a nightmare who changes their whole communication system over night. No fall backs no instructions no testing. After spending an hour with IT because they couldn't see me but yet were talking to me.... yeah smart bunch lol. Toss in some raging hormones who take on a life of their own and that was my day.

So I decided last night. That its not Daddy's fault everything changed and the change over was like everything with work long and painful. We have a standing Wednesday night date. I put him first and it felt good.

That's the kind of submissive I want to be.

TV pillow fun

 Daddy was at the thrift store. He found a tv pillow.

Can I just say we aren't using it to make tv watching more comfortable lol. It is indeed comfortable when bent over it. I am liking my new tv pillow. We do like to collect comfy pillows. If baby girl is comfy she isn't distracted from what he is doing.

Thrift store finds you gotta love them.

Tablets not just for facebook....

 I got a new nook tablet awhile back. This little thing has caused some strife. I hear him sigh when he sees me with it thinking there she is playing games again. Ahhhh but that's not all its good for. So he has started asking me what are  you doing? Well much to his surprise he asked me what are you doing now? I was like uh oh. Then I said well if you want to see what I was doing... I clicked the tablet and what does he see. Porn I have been watching porn on my tablet. The thing is I have probably watched more than he realized.

 What kind of porn was I watching. Bondage porn is a favorite. Watching these poor girls helpless to stop all that delicious torture. I have also watched a few on squirting wondering if maybe it might be something to try. Lastly anal sex porn. So yes chicks are watching porn. I was sadly disappointed that the tablet friendly site didn't have much in the way of spanking porn. This being my all time favorite.

 The next time Daddy sees me with my tablet in the bathtub (oh yes I watch porn in the bathtub). I bet he will ask me what are you watching now?

Ginger smacks....

So I guess my problem is I want it all and I want it now. I guess you could say I had a full on tantrum.

He Was none to pleased with me.

So He says get your hair fixed and disappears for a few minutes (now this didnt even register but man it should have). Then he comes back and stacks a huge pile of pillows in the middle of the bed and i giggled and said omg you cant be serious. Mistake number 1. Not the time to be silly.

So now the restraints come out and oh how i love bondage. I am thinking well this just gets better. Now at this point im smart enough to keep my thoughts to myself. It feels so good being restrained and wow im totally exposed the pillows have the desired effect. Thats when the first smack comes. I let out a little shriek and after a few more smacks I was like what is that? He says oh that's the hair brush. Mental note I am not a fan of the hair brush im wiggling and stuggling and every blow is still landing as he pleases. Then he switches it up and I hear that familiar sound of the belt and I growl a little struggle more. Then I hear him say "so you think I haven't been thinking about you?". With that he spreads my bottom and works something in and I know almost immediately what it is and i gasp in surprise at the sensation of the ginger. Now if you never experienced this. The best way to describe it is as hot and tingly. The more you struggle the more it tends to warm up.Then he pulls out the cane and every time it makes contact the sensation increases.

So things I learned. Don't act like a spoiled brat, and always check the bags when Daddy comes back from town. He does know how to surprise me even now.

Adventures in toy buying....

Ok I never do anything half assed. I am an all in kinda girl. So remember the  rules. Buy 2 one for you one for me. OK I did one better lol. I got one for him and one we can both use. I also added a little water based lube and toy cleaner to my order.


So for us.....

I got this thunder stick.... looks like fun and I got one prostate accessory for him. I will probably order some more accessories after we give it a thorough test drive vroom vroom....

What are your thoughts on accessories for your magic wand. I have heard it can be so intense on some that maybe accessories are a good idea takes it down a little the intensity?